Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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