I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
