Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What a dumb baby whore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
