My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Randomize
