I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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