Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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