i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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