I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
