You can't special order awesome
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
