It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
