Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
that is very illegal...i love you.
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