He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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