When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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