Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
