you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
