im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
