So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
