why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
