Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize