i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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