Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
