Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does one acquire holy water?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
