just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
