look no pants
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
