saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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