if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
