Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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