NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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