Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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