wanna go halves on a baby?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
