In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
time to smoke my breakfast
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
