Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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