I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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