That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
