well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
