he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
