I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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