Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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