Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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