So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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