I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
