a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
