I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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