I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
