Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
