I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
