the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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