a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Found the puke drawer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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