Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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