how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
