i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I supernannyed him into submission
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
